How Cliché

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

You could call it Newton’s Law of Physics or Murphy’s Law or even label it as superstition but these things don’t just happen on accident. They occur with regularity because of some unique karma involved with the ebb and flow of our counter culture. Once you have transgressed, the reaction is simple, the path played out before you like a well rehearsed Broadway play.

For example, the buoys are up. The inbound groundswell, while not epic, calls for offshore winds and a head high empty peaks. But, of course you will have to work, go to school, have the kids, or have a rare illness to prevent you from surfing.

You’re contemplating going out, but the internet reports say, "It will be better tomorrow."

You capitulate and suffer the next morning in the lineup as everyone says, "You should have been here yesterday!"

There are four seasons in Earth's cyclic nature. They don’t switch on a whim; they’re marked on every calendar. But, you wait until the wrong time to buy your surfing supplies. Knowing it’s cheaper to buy wetsuits in summer and baggies in the winter. That’s why you find yourself paying top dollar for the latest gadget wetsuit when the water temp drops to 60 degrees.

There is a reason all the travel companies have off-season rates to your favorite out-of-country break. However, you had to be a cheap ole miser and bought the tickets and now pay the price as the next indicated swell on the north shore is 3 months away.

Never watch a surf movie the night before a surf day. I have several friends that have ruined a glassy 4 foot swell by showing me Tom Carroll surfing in the 1980’s surf film Free Ride. When you wake up and realize that you don't surf like Tom and a boat wake has more power than your beach break you frequent...you only have yourself to blame.

Also, never say, "I’m going to catch the next wave in."

That next wave will never come and you will sit and contemplate all the responsibilities you are missing. You’ve broken the rhythm on the wave machine and created your own lull. If you plan to go in, just do it on a good wave and don't let the adrenaline rush suck you back out to the lineup.

You have enough surfboards. When you ordered that new 5’7” retro fish, what did you think the ocean was going to do? Ever hear of the New Board Curse? Ignorance will not break this curse and no swell for 2 weeks is the affliction. Sorry. Some people get lucky and get a new swell with the new board arrival. However, this invites bad karma and a ding in the new board is a sure bet.

On a big day, the only time you had to abandon ship due to a clean up set and you took one last look behind you to see if you could let your board go. You guessed it, one or two guys paddling right behind you. Get ready to take a full on drilling.

Also, the only day you forgot sex-wax and your board's wax melted off in the car. You’re right again, its six foot offshore blind take-offs and you need every bit of traction you can get. You will get funny looks and people walking away when you ask, "Do you have any Sex Wax." (Do non-surfers know what Sex Wax is for? To wax your stick, right?)

Another example is you’re outside 25 yards farther than everyone else when a giant set approaches. You are in position and take off and stand ready to show your soul and cool under fire. How come as the first few hoots start you realize you’ve stood on your leash? In the attempt to reset your foot and clear the hazard, your board squirrels and you go skipping down the face. Don’t worry there was a reason you bought the bright green board and it worked, they’ll remember you.

How come even though your buddies got past the impact zone, just as you arrive in no mans land, the sinister shadow of a set appears? In a strange twist of fate and after just barely punching through the first wave, the next wave knew just how far to push you back, only to meet the next incoming set. The Walk of Shame is in your future!

Also, baitfish goes scattering, right as you relieve yourself for the first time that session. Did you know that urine sometime's has blood in it? Also, Sharks are attracted to blood? A fish will release urine when stressed. Sharks also eat fish.

You've never had your picture taken at the right time. The photog’s always catch you in a awkward stance or position. They miss every freefall floater or whack-a-lip you had that day. You have to admit though, you looked pretty cool on the straightened off closeout! Just admitting you are a kook is the first step.

A big hole in the deck or split rail forecasts a great swell for the next day. You have everything you need to fix it, but where did you leave that little bottle of hardener?

Then again you pull up at your favorite surf break and there is no place to park and you take a chance that the cops won't see you are double parked. What’s that yellow piece of paper on your windshield when you get back? Worse yet, the car is towed...arrrrrrggggggg.

You've woken up a bit late and after you shake the cobwebs off you then take a run down to the beach to check the waves. Yeah it's good light wind and a few people out! You're on it! After running back to la casa speeding on adrenaline you get back to the beach in record time. However, typically the winds went onshore, the tide screwed it up and thirty people are out now. File this one under just plain bad luck!

In conclusion, the one time you surf alone and the surf is good. You just happen to make everything. You get stuffed ten times in the green room and landed the sickest punt. You're so in rhythm you notice that for the first time you didn't get hit by a sneaker set, never saw a shadow, was in position for every set wave.

You then remember that your wife is in the hospital and expecting to give birth to your child. Whatever you do now don't make the mistake of saying, “One last wave and I'm going in.”

~B.K.William

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