Am I Wrong or Right?

by B.K. William

A few ways and reasons to getting wet.

As if any of us need an excuse to skip class, call in sick or make like Frodo Baggins trying to throw “Precious” back into the hell fire. Do what you must, just to get back to the water's edge.

Sometimes you have to look at what went wrong to make a decision to make it right.

What went wrong?

The job has you trapped like a beaver before the Louisiana Purchase?

The everyday grind of life is just to afford you the tranquility of a well timed swell. You’ve had it with your co-workers; they’re stupid and will never get it. No matter how hard you try to tell them the whatcha-ma-call-it goes first, someone will insist that their experience as a Tiger Trainer in Malta has lead them to believe another do-hickey is more important and IT shall go first.

What you should do!

Just give in... agree that the earth is flat, tell them to keep going and you are with them all the way. Just mention you will be going to pick up some parts at the 'offsite' office and will be right back. They won’t miss you and you’ll be happy, the clown show will still be there under the big tent when you get back. Go Surfing!

What went wrong?

You just can’t turn off the Television.

The TV is just repeating the same old shows over and over. It’s not news or entertainment anymore and their finely crafted ad campaigns have become predictable. If you watch Dan Rather you’re going to be buying a Mach 17 shaver. I have 4 packs of them in my bathroom closet. Complete with 16 blades 2 batteries and some gel that loosely resembles shaving your beard with a jelly-fish. You might as well go visit the real thing and jump in the toxic soup. Heck we even buy Tide super color detergent, sure it helps the environment with low phosphates, but my t-shirts and baggies wardrobe could be just as clean after using lye and whale blubber beating them at the river shore with rocks.

What you should do!

Jump off the corporate bandwagon, remember back in the day when you ate Raman noodles and let everyone pay for the first round?

Well... get back to your roots.

You don’t need toothpaste that can shine the space shuttle, and you’ll lower your cholesterol just by getting off your rear every few days or so. Grab your board and use the sex wax to create a film on your own TV.

Just get away and go surfing!

What went wrong?

You’re landlocked

WaHHHHH I live so far from the beach. You took a job so far inland, or maybe you let that cute wahine talk you into investing in property.

Then you find yourself living next door to Dizz Knee World?

I hate to wake you up cowboy, but the maps of Florida (or any coast for that matter) haven’t changed in 40 years or so. It was a dumb move then and it still is.

Goofy Don't Surf

What you should do!

Now that Miki the Mouse wants your real estate do what any self respecting reader of the Wall Street Journal would do and SELL, sell it all.

Also, get down to the gas station and buy a map for $19.95 then look for a highway that stops at the big blue pond. A $70 fill up is still going to cost ya 70 bucks with a couple of boards and a couch on top of your earth-mover SUV! Suck it up and head east cow-poke.

What went wrong?

Your schedule is equal to that of a U.S. Senator.

“I’m so busy, I have a ton of stuff to do.“

This one is a real stress tester. It’s only human nature to take on more than you can handle. If you find yourself checking into an I-pod or a laptop for your daily schedule then you’re in deep trouble.

The S.S. Commitment is not one of the ships that Columbus sailed to the Americas. Just as well, The Duke didn't need the coconut telegraph to tell him the surf was up!

Think about it...

The evidence that cell phones are wrecking your brain-stem and keeping you out of the water...may be true.

What you should do.

Stop answering the demon voice box you pay $75 a month for. Think of it as a tinfoil hand held alien protector. People are only calling to trick you from seeing the Mother ship from rising out of the Ocean. What better place to get back to reality than 100 yards offshore earning a painful nipple rash because of your prior lack of activity?

As for those appointments, this is going to surprise you, but Surfer magazine is made of paper. Start writing your appointments on page 77 of the closest issue. When you check on that 9AM meeting the next day, you’ll turn the page. Soon enough the white lies will start and you are on the way.

What went wrong?

You are broke and out of money?

Shoot, so am I. I was hoping you could help an out-of-work writer that’s hungry from the last paddle out. We should all carry signs, “will work for surf. “

What you and I should do.

Throw caution to the wind, I have an extra board, lets hike up and borrow some wax from someone at the secret spot.

Hell, with everything wrong in our life we may as well be happy. We’ll make the signs up after we dry off.

See ya'll at the beach...

Guest Writer Main Index