Swell Memories by Dermot

'The wise man in the storm prays to God, not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear. It is the storm within that endangers him, not the storm without.' -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Teahupoo. Fear. Teahupoo Death Drop Photo

You’re sitting outside at Teahupoo in what you believe to be paddle-in conditions vice tow-in conditions when you spot a monster set that begins to blur the horizon. Your mind empties all unnecessary thoughts; a single focus comes to mind......make it outside.

You begin a Herculean effort to paddle beyond the looming impact zone. Your arms burn with pain.….your whole body - not just arms - engage in a desperate struggle to make it outside. You look to the ponga boat for help only to see it motor full speed into the channel or further outside.

A quick look left and outside reveals a monster…the devil disguised as a wave…a Liquid Lucifer. Beelzebub is in the barrel and he’s coming for you. You see, feel, and hear this 25' monster roar down the reef.

It takes your breath away.

This thing, this monster, it's not a wave, it's the ocean folding over on itself. You’re not going to make it...panic begins to set in. You reach back and pull the quick release pin on your leash, a finely crafted piece of foam and fiberglass is no longer an issue - personal survival is.

A few more desperate strokes...you bail for the bottom...swimming with all your might for the reef below - you feel, almost hear your heartbeat and sense it will beat itself right out of your chest. Eyes wide open you spot a coral head you might be able to hang on to as this monster passes overhead.

However, you’re tired from the desperate paddle…..not enough strength or air in the lungs; nevertheless, you might just make it. A few more strokes…..a few more feet…..just….about.....to.….the.....coral head. You don't make it, you get sucked up off the bottom, through the surface, and over the falls.

They find your body later that day on the reef.

The name Teahupoo, for some, is the embodiment of fear. For others, Teahupoo is simply another challenge. Just as someone was bound to climb Mount Everest...someone was eventually going to surf Teahupoo.

Although I have attempted neither event, (and have absolutely no desire to) I would guess the physical and mental challenges of both places are somewhat similar. To accomplish either event requires the right mental attitude, natural God-given physical talent, focused preparation, as well as the ability to overcome fear.

If you surf long enough I believe at one time or another you are going to have to confront this most complex of emotions. Fear is something surfers will occasionally have to deal with. I believe those handful of big wave riders, those that ride Mavericks, Jaws, Teahupoo, or Cortes Bank get their enjoyment from the internal satisfaction they have challenging themselves to the limit and have overcome their own fear.

The adrenaline rush is in the conquest of fear.

Fear is a word… an emotion…that few people in the course of their lifetime come face to face with. People surf for hundreds of reasons. One of those is to test yourself, to take yourself to the edge of your threshold, to occasionally overcome your own level of fear, wherever that level may be. Some surfers relish the conquering of fear. They take the challenge, eat it up, and spit it out. Some surfers avoid it altogether – nothing wrong with that.

Most of us, I like to believe, dabble in it on occasion. We like to stick our big toe in that icy cold cauldron of fear – just to swiftly feel it but every so swiftly pull away from it and be happy to be out of it.

Surfers, I'd like to believe, aren't stupid - they have the highest regard for the ocean and what it can do. Surfers, as intelligent watermen/women, know their own personal limitations. They know how far they can go. Surfers often intermingle fear and fun. I have to believe Laird Hamilton is having fun when he’s surfing Teahupoo, and that he’s not out there just to prove something.

To one degree or another I believe we all have a little Laird Hamilton in us. Whether you have been surfing for one year or 50 years, the fact you are a surfer means you challenge yourself. For whatever reasons, surfers begin to enjoy the adrenalin rush associated with pushing themselves just a little bit further.

For instance, you're a young surfer, in current lexicon - a grommet. You've been surfing 2'- 4' surf and haven't ventured out into surf much larger than that. However, its winter time and the first big winter swell of the season is here or its summer and your first hurricane swell is breaking at your local beach. It's now a consistent and solid 6' - maybe bigger. You paddle out into conditions you’re not accustomed to - conditions just a little bit bigger than you've had in the past. However, you’re confident and believe you can handle it.

The paddle out was tough and somewhat draining but you make it. The first time you see someone else begin to paddle further outside your heart beats faster and you scramble towards the horizon…even though you haven’t seen this big set! The crowd, if there is one, is less jovial and talkative; everyone seems to be much more focused. The mood of the crowd and the size of the surf have you thinking twice. Maybe it’s too big for me, maybe I won't make the drop, maybe I don't have the right board, maybe I'll get caught in the impact zone, maybe...… And the doubts continue until you make that first wave.

Your first overhead wave is upon you. Your heart beats a bit faster, anxiety builds, you think twice about this first big wave of your life. But the wave is here…you stop thinking and a surfer's instinct takes over…..you stroke into it. Just before you stand up you hear the roar of the approaching barrel and the wave suddenly gets steeper. You’re up and quickly turn; however, your knowledge and experience in smaller waves becomes a hindrance. You turn as if you were on a small wave and lose your inside edge in the steep face of the wave. Your board drops out from underneath you. You’re about to get drilled.

The actual fall is no problem it’s the cascading lip that hits you on your back and drives you deep towards the bottom that has you concerned and erodes at your confidence. You are tossed and rolled and can feel the pull of your leash. While you encounter the frothy violence below the surface your board pops through the foam and begins to tombstone.

After a few seconds the violence subsides and you begin to scratch your way to the surface. You survived your initial mistake and think..…that wasn’t so bad. You have endured your first big wave wipeout and if that’s all there is to it – no big deal.

The big deal - in fact a couple of big deals - are about to make your acquaintance. You are now about to experience the results of your second mistake – taking off on the first wave of a 3 or 4 wave set with the subsequent two or three waves being even bigger.

The turbulence around you has subsided. Using your leash you pull your board towards you and hop on. Just as you turn to paddle back out, and with no time to duck dive, the next wave explodes right on top of you. The second wave was easily 7’ and being that it’s low tide the wave explodes on the sandbar.

The lip impacts right where you are and it separates you from your board. You had little time to catch your breath and this time you find yourself hitting the bottom. Short of breath you fight the turbulence which causes you to use oxygen even faster. Seconds seem like minutes when you’re short of breath. Just as you think you can take no more your head pops above the surface.

This time and truly instinctively, you look seaward to see what other surprises are coming your way. Sure enough the next wave, equal in height to the previous one, is feathering two yards from your bobbing head. However this time you take a deep breath and dive towards the bottom. This time you’re under control. You feel the wave pressure pass overhead and you swim to the surface.

The set has passed; you get back on your board and make it back outside. The fact you paddled back out says something. For just a brief moment you ran the gamut of emotions. You went from satisfaction to fear and back to satisfaction. Satisfied about having the courage to take off, fearful of your time in the impact zone, back to being satisfied about your ability and desire to paddle back out.

You sit outside a little shaken, a bit drained, a lot smarter, and thankful you had the physical and mental skills to make it. Nevertheless, you’re immensely satisfied. You did it; you challenged the biggest wave of your life. You may not have made it – but you will next time. You have overcome your fears.

Don’t you think Laird Hamilton thought the same things as he sat outside at Teahupoo?

We all have our fears to overcome.

We all have a little Laird Hamilton in us.

~Dermot

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